Friday, September 25, 2009
Cat string theory
6 steps for building confidence.
Confidence is a concept that is often considered to be the holy grail of attrabutes that women are attracted to. In fact, if you were to go up to any random women and ask her what she looks for in a guy, you can almost be positive that CONFIDENCE will be at the top of her list
So what is confidence?
Confidence is the deepest belief that success is achievable and within arms length. Everyone has confidence to some degree in their lives. For example, I’m sure like you, most people are confident driving a car or reading a book. The problem is, much of the time, this positive self belief is context based and never fully transmuted to other parts of your life including attracting women. The good news is, confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s an attitude that can be learned. Here are Six Steps to Building Confidence in Yourself.
1. Identify core values
The first step in becoming confident is realizing your core values. Doing so will manifest a congruent identity that is aligned with how you live your life. And a man who knows exactly what he wants from himself and others is a confident man. The quickest way to recognize what you value in life to ask yourself some specific questions. The trick is not think about an answer. Just take into account the first few thoughts that pop into your head. Your intuition often knows best.
Here are 3 questions you can ask yourself that will hopefully shine some light on your core values.
- “What are the things in life that make me happy?”
- “What are the things in life that I am best at?”
- “If I was forced to live by one ethic alone, what would it be?”
Your answers to these questions should provide a road map to a confident belief system.
2. Set goals
Another good way to become confident is to set small goals that can be achieved during the day. Most people equate goals to feats that are near unachievable. It’s good to set some long term goals but it’s also good to set goals that you can achieve right now. The crazy thing is you can turn basically any remedial task into a goal. For example, on one occasion I set a goal to run 3 miles. I achieved my goal and took a split moment to celebrate. The same day I set a goal to say hello to three people I had never met. I achieved my goal and briefly basked in glory. What I realized is that after you’ve completed consecutive goals, your mind will start to associate what you do with success. As a result, you feel more comfortable in your ability for other, unrelated aspects of life. So if you want a real easy way to gain to gain confidence, set mini goals and achieve them throughout the day.
3. Externalize Success and Accomplishments
Another way to become confident is to write down everything you know you are good at. It doesn’t have to be anything unique or profound. It can be as simple as “I am a good driver!” If you take into account much of the daily things you do and have done, your mind will begin to realize how competent you actually are. If you want to take this one step farther, you can write down all of your accomplishments. Seeing as much of our thinking is pattern oriented, when you do this, you rehardwire your brain for positive, productive thinking.
4. Affirmations
Another way to create confidence is to practice saying affirmations to yourself. Because the unconscious mind cannot distinguish between the real world and the mental realm, affirmations oftenslip past your consciousness into a place where they become real beliefs even if you have never had any success in that particular area. Note: In creating affirmations, it is extremely important to always keep them positive. Your unconscious mind does not hear positives or negatives. It simply hears commands. So if you were to say to yourself “I’m not a loser!” your subconscious mind will still hear “I’m” and “loser.” Here is a set of affirmations I’ve used in the past that helped me become more confident.
I am blessed
I am attractive
I can attract beautiful women
I am confident
I am in control of my life
I know what I want
I know how to get what I want
I am successful
I am loved by others
I love myself
I am capable of anything
I am interesting
I am intelligent
Say these over and over again to yourself.
Keep in mind, confidence doesn’t happen over night. If you want to expedite the process, you can print a few affirmations out in large lettering and tape them to your ceiling or mirrors or any other place where you will see them every day. They don’t even have to be long affirmations. You could even do something like “YES, YOU CAN!” There are also a variety of NLP hypnosis audio tracks that you can listen to before you go to bed that will guide you to a more confident reality. I particularly like listening to Paul McKenna before bed but there are many others as well. Check them out. They are great.
5. Gain Competence
Competence and success will also fuel your confidence. In terms of meeting women, competence will come with studying Attractology and using the theories and techniques we provide on the site. In fact, the only purpose of routines is to get success under your belt so you can become more confident with women. In reality, if you want the deeply embedded belief that you can attract women, you will need to be absolutely positive that you have that ability. To be absolutely positive, you will need some success under your belt. Check out our outer game section to see some ways to get some initial success that will further boost your confidence.
6. Communities
Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people is very important in gaining and sustaining positive self belief. If you surround yourself with people who constantly belittle you and bring you down, it can be very difficult to sustain confidence. Eagles soar with other eagles for a reason and you too need to surround yourself with people who will support your personal growth and accept you for who you are. In terms of creating a stronger social net, find people with common interests and become part of a group/s. Some examples of social groups are work friends, classmates, teammates, club members, etc. There are even groups for guys who want to learn how to meet women called lairs. These are great for building confidence as well.
HOW TO HANDLE WHEN A FEMALE REJECTS YOU GUYS PT 2
You know what, I know your not attracted to me and that’s great because now I’m not a threat and we can cut through all the bullshit and just be ourselves and talk. There are so many cookie cutter girls out there who have all the looks in the world but can never have a deep, meaningful conversation.
And isn’t it interesting how attraction forms. I used to think that we would just know when we were attracted to someone but now I really think it’s a feeling you get around someone. Even if you thought they were unattractive before, their little expressions and mannerisms highlight something you were never able to see before. And then you just start to realize… Oh my god, I’m attracted to this person in front of me. But that’s just me.
7 TIPS FOR THE FIRST DATE (FOR MEN)
1) Don’t put any expectations on the outcome. It can be easy to play out in your head the date going a certain way and if it doesn’t, you could get discouraged and thrown off. That being said, make a promise to yourself that no matter how she acts you’re going to have fun. This is so important. Woman want a guy who’s FUN! And also, if she throws a curveball (which probably won’t happen) you’ll be ready and be able to adapt accordingly.
2) Don’t try to impress her. She’s already agreed to go on a date with you which means she already has some initial interest in you. A lot of men try too hard to say the right things. Just be yourself and don’t worry if you say something uncool or goofy. Your natural uninhibited self is your best self
3)Have a couple of stories you can relate to and talk about. What do you like to do? What interesting things can you talk about in your life. If often quiet and tend to run out of things to say with people spend a half hour before the date just talking out loud. Read a book. Sing a song. Get out of your head and become comfortable articulating your thoughts and speaking about your life.
4) Ask interesting questions. As it’s a first date you’re probably going to get the run of the mill (what do you do? where are you from?) interview type questions. It’s inevitable. But try mixing it up as well and dig deeper by asking “how did it make you feel when….) or what was it like when X? Good questions can open the conversation flood gates and allow to really get to KNOW someone.
5) Listen to her. Don’t just pretend to listen. Actually hear what she has to say, understand where’s coming from and try to feel what she feels when she’s speaking. Empathy allows you to connect with another person on a very intimate leve. From her listening ask relevant questions (ie omg what was the like? Was it hard for you when you ____) etc
6) Make good eye contact. The window to the soul is in the eyes. When speaking and listening don’t be afraid to hold her gaze just a little bit longer than normal. Believe it or not, attraction alone can be generated from making the right kind of eye contact.
7) Dress to impress. Don’t wear something you wouldn’t normally wear. But sport your finest threads. All the little things make a difference. This also includes grooming- shower, floss, teeth, hair, etc. You want to take care of everything that is in your control and how you look is 100% in your hands.
HOW TO HANDLE WHEN A FEMALE REJECTS YOU GUYS
Have you ever mustered up the courage to meet a women and within seconds of you opening your mouth, she gives you the “F%#@ off” speech? Personally, I’ve been rejected loads of times and I can attest, there is nothing more ego shattering and confidence destroying. Fortunately, I’ve learned to deal with rejection from women and have come out on the other side where it has little to no weight on my personal well being.
The truth is, in learning the game of attracting women, rejection is inevitable in some form or another. You can’t simply bypass failure before you reach success. You must take the risk of getting rejected. Just like when you learn to become a great skier, you cannot escape the fact that you will fall down in the process of becoming good. The same applies for meeting women. In the process of learning how to become an attractive man, you will get rejected by some women. But just like when skiing, you will learn from your mistakes and eventually get good.
The thing you need to understand about women is that when they reject you, they are not rejecting you as a person. They are rejecting the way you approached them, the way you met them. Too many guys get this all wrong. They assume that by a women not wanting them to stick around, they must not be good looking enough, intelligent enough, successful enough, or have a good personality. This of course is 100% false. Tons of good looking, smart, successful, guys get rejected all the time. It’s part of the game. However, how they deal with it will determine their future success in this area.
Guys who get good at this game understand one thing. They understand that rejection and acceptance are more signposts of behavior than anything else. If she doesn’t reject you then you did something right. If she does reject you, you did something wrong. The important thing is that it’s always something you ‘did’ or ‘didn’t do’ and never something you ‘are’ or ‘are not’. Guys who equate rejection or failure to something that’s permanent like who they are end up making that particular failure a part of their identity. As a result they end up less confident and less assured of their ability to succeed and that further propels their non success. This is why it is so important to understand that meeting women is nothing more than a social skill.
There’s another way a lot of other guys handle rejection. Instead of letting it personally bother them, they place the blame elsewhere. They assume the woman who rejected them is a bitch. They assume that she has a boyfriend. Or they assume that there are other variables that influenced the rejection. There are some pros and cons to this way of thinking. The pro is that these guys aren’t letting the rejection get under your skin (too much anyway). Thus when they go to approach again they aren’t as hesitant as someone who takes rejection personally. The con is that they never take responsibility for failure and continue to make the same mistakes, ultimately failing to get better.
Rejection is a part of this game that you will never fully escape. You may come close to getting 100% of the girls that you meet, but you will never completely evade rejection and the truth is nobody will. It is part of life and it never really matters how many times we get rejected by women. It really only matters that you not take it personally and learn from your mistakes without dwelling on them.
OPENERS (FOR MEN)
INDIRECT OPENERS:
For those just getting started, opinion openers are probably more suitable. What you say in an indirect opener has absolutely no sexual connotations or hints that you are interested. This is an important factor when first learning to meet women. In fact about 95% guys commit this error when first learning. They show too much intent and women immediately dismiss them as “creepy” guys trying to pick up girls. Going in indirect is a way to avoid that. One way to go in indirect is by having a (what seems to be) spontaneous question that you are trying to figure out. These are termed
opinion openers.
1. Is it normal for girls to snoop?
The only reason I ask is that because my buddy has been dating this girl for a while and they finally just moved in together. And she went through his stuff and found an old box of letters and pictures of his old girlfriend. He doesn’t even look at it. He just has it. Well she found them and now she wants him to burn them or throw them away. Is this a little over the top? Shouldn’t he be able to keep them?
2. Who lies more men or women?
My buddy and I have a joke bet going. He thinks that guys lie more but girls are better liars. And I think that girls lie more because they’re better liars. Solve it for us, who do you think lies more?
3. How do you guys tell if a guy is gay or not?
The only reason I ask is that we’ve gotta a buddy coming out to meet us tonight and we can’t really tell if he’s gay or not. I wouldn’t even care if he was gay, we just want to know. He hangs out with tons of girls but he never dates any of them. It’s weird. But how do you guys tell?
4. If your dating a guy and kiss someone else is that cheating?
What if you kiss another girl? Is that cheating. The only reason I ask is because my buddy over there has been dating this girl for a while and she likes to occasionally make out with other girls. My buddy doesn’t like it and says it cheating but she says it’s not cheating. So what do you guys think?
5. Omg…..did you guys see the girl fight outside?
Yea these two girls were fighting outside over this guy named George. Yea they were really really white trash. And as they were fighting one of the girls grabbed the others’ blouse and her boob popped out. But it was nasty white trash boob
6. Hey guys I’m throwing a bachelor party next weekend for my buddy and wants to get strippers. which is fine with me. But I get a call today from his fiancé and she’s like “you cannot get him strippers what so ever. So I’m torn. Shouldn’t a guy be able to get strippers before he gets married?
7. If a guy were to propose to you and give you an engagement ring. But then after you are engaged he cheats on you and you break up with him. Are you still entitled to give back the engagement ring or would you want to keep it just to spite him. The only reason I ask is that this happened to my buddies older brother and he is all pissed she kept the ring. Would you guys keep the ring?
8. Hey I have a question for you guys and it might be the most life changing question you’ve ever heard. Do you floss before or after you brush?
9. Hey do you guys know the theme song to family matters. We’re trying to remember it but we can’t figure it out.
10. Hey if you guys were dating a guy and they decided to go to overseas for a few months how long would you guys wait for a guy before you broke things off. The only reason I ask is because my buddies girlfriend went abroad to France for a semester and they decided to stay together but now she’s over there and decided a year long internship. He doesn’t know what to do? Do you think he should break it off with her? Hey maybe you guys can help me out, what’s the best way to end a relationship with a girl without hurting her feelings … cuz this right here just isn’t working for me. No my good buddy, is trying to cut things off. But he’s doing it right now by just kinda ignoring her and not answering her calls.
DIRECT OPENERS:
Direct openers are often used when inner game is solid and intact. Recognize that too many guys come in direct, with lines like “can I buy you a drink?” or “you are so beautiful!” These are pointless, overused, and simply do not work.. Additionally, because so many guys approach women with these kind of lines, women are often skeptical of direct approaches. However, as mentioned previously, with the right internal game and confidence, you can come in approach directly. You might say something like “I can’t believe it, I’ve been standing here for like 2 minutes and you haven’t even tried to hit on me or grab my ass or anything. So what’s the deal?”
1. Did you save this seat for me?
2. Did you miss me?
3. Hey my girlfriend thinks your really hot
4. Do you know why you suck?
5. Hey which way is ______ hall(somewhere she walking in the direction of)
6. You look fun, what’s up
7. Hi. I haven’t offended you yet have I?
8. Omg you look exactly like a girl I went to school with
9. If I weren’t gay, we could totally hang out. And swap guy stories, and eat ice cream over sex and the city. And say “god I feel so much like Samantha right now”
10. Hey pretend like your talking to me, my ex is over there?
SITUATIONAL OPENERS:
Another way to open indirectly is to comment about something in the surrounding area. “omg… This music is sooo loud!” is a good example. These types of openers are termed situational openers and are optimal for preventing a “non-creepy” vibe while at the same time coming off as spontaneous conversation. However, it must be noted that when using a situational opener, you get a much smaller window for creating conversation. The girl is likely to only respond to your comment which leaves the rest up to you to keep it going.
1. Ohhh my god, I bought my girlfriend a shirt exactly that….I guess that means you have good taste
2. OMG…You look really familiar…How do I know you?
3. You should get the (name of drink)…it’s money
4. Hey can I have 5 bucks?….
5. Weren’t you at the (other bar) last week?—-
6. Looks like the parties over here
7. Those boots are awesome…where did you get them?
8. Omg its so fuggin loud in here
9. It so hot/cold
10. Ahhh there are too many sloppy drunks out here
MISC. OPENERS:
1. Tattoo Opener – Hey I was thinking of getting a tattoo what do you think I should get? What about piercings, should I get my eyebrow done? (even better if you have a picture of several tattoos handy)
2. Nice ass opener – Hey a girl just commented that I had a nice ass; it’s hard to tell myself. Give me a look at your ass. (make her turn around, might not be a good idea if you have a hole in your back) What makes a good ass?
3. Shoes opener – Hey they say you can tell the exact mood a girl is in by the length of the heel on her shoe. If it’s really tall, even if she doesn’t realize it, she wants hot sex, and if it’s really low she’s not feeling very sexual. Hmmmm…. (Continue and 100% correct by the way), hey look her shoes!
4. Eyes opener - Hey let me look at your eyes, they say that you can tell everything by someone’seyes. The small lines in someone’s eyes tell you how strong their constitution is. If they are weak and far apart they tend to get sick often, and if they are tightly packed and strong they are a leader type of person. Let me look at your eyes, hmmmm.
5. Hey guys, I need you all to help me settle an argument my friends and I were having. Is fish considered a meat
6. Is pork red meat or white meat?
7. Ok.. Just tell me, what possible reason would you have, to hide your panties in a mans freezer?!? I had no idea what to do with them, so I just put them back… There still there.
Top Ten places to have sex
1) In a church parking lot during the service.
Let’s just hope that they didn’t use the Lord’s name in vain when they finished…
2) In a phonebooth on Mullholland Drive at midnight—the phone booth is long gone now!
I think they were practicing for the mile high club. Tight, public space where only the bold will go.
3)The top of a waterfall
I don’t really know how to picture this, but I imagine that it was cold, and frightening on the way down, hopefully it was a different story for the sex.
4) Inside a goodwill bin
I don’t even know what to say. Congratulations, you’re in the top percent of people who are just downright horny!
5) On the monorail at DisneyWorld
I really hope this was legal. Mickey mouse, you better keep your hands off those young girls!
6) A parade float
Sweet.
7) In a horse pasture.
Nothing turns me on like the sweet smell of manure. I don’t know about you, but one sniff and it’s six to midnight.
“You’ve got some serious thrill issues dude.” - A quote from one of my favorites, Finding Nemo.
9) In the dj booth while spinning a show
I’m sure she said, “how long have you been DJing for?” And he replied, “This is my first time. I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night.”
10) In a bar with people watching.
That’s called being a whore. But I won’t judge, that takes some serious balls, both figuratively and literally!
How To Compliment a woman (for men)
Compliments are imprtant for giving some value and generally making a woman feel good about herself. Compliments are bad when they seem insincere, or are corny or generic.
When in good rapport with a woman, try complimenting her comfortable energy, or positive vibe. You will have good success. Here is a list of other physical attributes we suggest you notice to compliment a woman.
- Hair
- Thick
- Shiny
- Wavy
- Healthy
- Nice cut
- Attractive color
- Eves - Overused, wait until you’re dating.
- Bright
- Clear
- Beautiful
- Expressive
- Warm
- Laughing
- Sensitive
- Neck
- Mention only if it’s long and slender.
- Clothing
- Stylish
- Smile
- Warm
- Engaging
- Teeth
- Shiny
- Teeth
- Body Parts
- Nah, don’t mention.
